Marriage Counseling Denied if Marriage Devoid of Love—Because They're Not Married

And royal rubies

The late Dr. J. Vernon McGee, the country preacher of the “Through the Bible” broadcast refused to give marriage counseling to couples who said they didn’t love each other (he’d always ask if they did). And he’d inform them that he could not counsel them because actually in God’s eyes they are not married and never were.

“Love makes a marriage,” the pastor would tell them.

One young groom seeking marriage counseling with his bride said he did not love his wife because she was “nothing but an old horse face.” Dr. McGee noted she was in fact a beautiful woman. She agreed that she didn’t love him either. When they were informed that actually, then, they are not married at all, the young man angrily insulted Dr. McGee for insulting his wife by saying such a thing. The wife joined in with the tirade and two stormed out. The next Sunday they sat in church holding each other throughout the service. After the service they told the preacher they talked it over and realized they did love each other. “OK,” he answered, “I’ll give you marriage counseling.”

“Oh, no. We don’t need marriage counseling. Everything is fine now!”

Back to basics

Perhaps surprisingly, the bible contains more guidance on divorce than on marriage. It’s a bit mind blowing to realize that with almost no guidance on marriage in scripture, marriage necessarily evolved as a cultural phenomenon apart from scripture.

The bible gives no hints about what constitutes a marriage or how to enter one — no vows, no ceremony, no rings, no public declarations, and no marriage certificate! Nothing is specified, which means nothing is required except one thing. Love.

The word “married” means connected, united. If couple’s hearts are not connected or united, in other words, if the verb married doesn’t apply, they aren’t.

The inverse also seems to be true. If their hearts are united, they are already (automatically) married in God’s eyes. The only holy matrimony that’s biblical, then, would be common law marriage. At least that’s how a strict reading of scripture without adding or taking away from it can be interpreted.

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” —Proverbs 31:10

Note: “Through the Bible” with Dr. McGee, TTB.org, is a remarkable 5-year study available in over 200 languages. Recorded 1967-1972, it’s as remarkable for the things it gets right (like this lesson) as for the things it gets wrong, mostly due to him being too married to preconceived conservative notions instead of simply reading / interpreting scripture and seeking God’s heart. If God could redeem humanity through conservatism, there’d be no need to send the Messiah to radically shake things up through the gospel of love.